In Memory

The past eight months have been challenging.

First off, I lost my father in December and for most people it is a grieving process and acknowledgement of loss  of a loved one that one works through.  For some of us, when life isn’t perfect, one has to let go of the pains and dig deep to secure the good and really sort out what is and was important in the relationship.

I was then gifted with an opportunity that would allow me to get back to the area I lived in, an area I love and an area that best supports my boys.  Taking on this opportunity meant that I would have to give up everything else, temporarily,  to make this dream a reality.   I would make the tough choice of stepping away from my online business, (my hope for a better future), to address the immediate needs….. and  I have never worked so hard!

Through this process, I have had time to reflect on my relationship with my father and have discovered the values and core similarities that I gained from him. My father was very passionate, as a doctor, devoting many hours every day to his profession. The eulogy, given by my cousin, a doctor herself, expressed the many people he had helped, and lives he had literally saved and those families who were truly grateful for his efforts and commitment to his profession.  Unfortunately, with this passion, went the loss of time spent with his own children….. but how can one truly complain, knowing that there are families out there who are enjoying their own loved ones, people who would not be here today, if it wasn’t for my father.

I respect and honour my father for his commitment and abilities,  with in his profession, to be as successful as he was and  to provide such service to his community.   In my eyes, being a good person, does mean being a good citizen and serving ones community beyond one’s own family and personal needs.  My father was chief of staff for NGH, was an OMA director, served on the School Board as a trustee and had various  projects that he was instrumental in developing.

One core value I have gained from my father is tenacity, I don’t give up! I keep working at it until it is good, or no longer an issue. My father was artistic and enjoyed the languages and art, painting in particular.  I carry the artistic trait and enjoy painting, sketching and creative projects, although limited. Another core trait is that sense of injustice, stepping in to make things right, getting involved instead of standing on the sidelines hoping someone else will fix it. My father’s involvement in all the extra committees and boards he was on was in essence, his way of trying to make things right, a trait he took on from his father who also spent many evenings away from his family to serve in the community. We have a choice … to repeat those lessons of those before us, or alter them slightly, or improve on them. Unfortunately, my parents suffered the loss of a child early on which also altered their life course, and with my father, I believe that he turned to his profession to make it right, as it was his profession that was the cause of our family loss. 

This trait is about being fair, ensuring justice and stepping in when one sees something that isn’t right or  harmful. It’s the “stepping in” part that often leads me to trouble, as it takes a certain soul to stand up for the weak, the abused, the injustices of what is going on around one”s self. Just like it takes a certain person to step out of the crowd and go in and help someone in direr need, sometimes to their own detriment.

There is a story of my father, young in his career, where he was expected to “join the good old boys group” which meant compromising his integrity and moral character and in turn, he would benefit from referrals as a surgeon. My father stood true to himself and refused. He would spend many more years struggling to pay his way through lack of referrals, it was more time away from his family, a harder course to follow,  but he stood strong on his own belief’s and moral character.

I have this trait of my father’s and it often puts me in the cross fire of those in power lacking integrity and, those vulnerable, needing the support and encouragement. In taking a stand to injustice, I too have paid a big price with in my own life, but I am stronger for it and healthier…… and I sleep well at night knowing I have done everything I can to effect change and make things right. My passion is to help abused women and those I have helped are truly grateful.

I will always  continue to strive for a healthy balance,  seeking the best with in myself and continually moving forward.  I love the quote from C.S. Lewis;

“Integrity – doing the right thing even when no one is watching”.  this is something I stand by.

Some of what my father lacked, I have gained from my mother, mostly the commitment to my children and the ongoing support and encouragement that I can offer to them to always strive to be the best and to strive to become whole.  Each one of my boys carries on this trait of helping and supporting  those in need, and looking out for the vulnerable. As young adults, there are already several stories of their quick actions or commitment to help and their empathy which has  ensured the help needed or safety and well being of a fellow  person. My boys make me VERY proud!

There is a healthy balance in life needed.  I believe  that one needs enough money to be comfortable in life, enough time to enjoy your loved ones and to provide that sense of security and support that they gain when you are there, physically present for them, and enough passion and commitment to service, service of people or community that provides leadership and growth with in yourself and sets a precedent for those you are leading.

I love this quote from Joyce Meyer,  it is so important to strive to be the best you can be, for your own benefit and for those you influence.  In choosing life partners, I have always told my boys;

“you will attract someone who is as healthy as you are”.

I have always encouraged my boys to take the good from their parents, leave the bad and strive to be better, healthier and stronger. I take the good from my father, I’ll leave the short comings and keep moving forward, striving to be the best that I can be, in faith and in love.

Have a GREAT Day! Keep moving forward!

Sincerely,

Heather Ainslie